READERS GUIDE

1. Returning to Hein University in many ways feels like slipping back into a moment in time for Charlotte—dance parties, a twin XL bed. Did reading But How Are You, Really conjure personal college memories for you or a moment when you also entered a time capsule?

2. The color wheel of emotion is a subtle theme throughout the book. What colors would you use to describe the feeling of reading this book?

3. Throughout the novel, Charlotte often shares details about the tumultuous relationship she has with her mother, meanwhile expressing how much love and appreciation she has for her friends. Discuss the novel’s impactful message about the importance of “chosen family.”

4. One of the realizations Charlotte has over the course of her weekend back at Hein is how isolated she has become, living in an apartment by herself in New York City and working at a place where she’s siloed into interacting mostly with her terrible boss. How much does reuniting with her queer chosen family affect her and how she wants to change moving forward? Do you think Charlotte’s experience—leaving a close- knit community behind upon entering the workforce post-college—is a common one? In what ways is our society set up to be isolating by nature?

5. At its core, But How Are You, Really is a beautiful story about a second chance at love. Describe the ways in which Reece shows support and acceptance for Charlotte and her identity.

6. In the novel, Charlotte reflects that, “queer college discos were a special kind of miracle, free and safe and innocent. . . She didn’t need to vouch for her bisexuality; no one counted gold stars here.” (p. 126) How does the novel explore bisexuality through Charlotte’s relationships, both romantic and platonic? How does returning to college prompt her to reflect on her queerness?

7. Charlotte acknowledges that “She still struggled not to blame herself for falling for Ben. The scar tissue of their relationship would take years to heal, no matter how many books she read about love-bombing and gaslighting.” (p. 207) In what ways do we see Charlotte blame herself and push people away because of Ben’s—and her mother’s—emotional abuse? In what ways do we see her beginning to forgive herself?

8. There are so many relationships in this novel, both romantic and platonic. Describe your favorite one and why.

9. In romance novels, happily ever afters are expected. But How Are You, Really steps outside of this genre and calls into question what a happily ever after might look like for Charlotte, her queer friends, survivors, and other millennials living in today’s world. How might happily ever after look different from what we may have expected—for the characters and for yourself?