READERS GUIDE

Reader’s Guide
The Intimacy Experiment by Rosie Danan
Discussion Questions:


1. A core theme of The Intimacy Experiment is the concept of personal identity and how we reconcile who we have been, who we are, and who we would like to become. Do you feel you have or have had multiple identities over the course of your lifetime? If so, how do those roles intersect and/or challenge one another?
 
2. Naomi has made herself hard in response to the reception she’s received from the world. Over the course of her relationship with Ethan, she works to make herself softer and more open. How does she go about this, and what obstacles does she en- counter? What benefits come from this exercise?
 
3. In his role as a rabbi, Ethan sets out to make ancient ideals ac- cessible to modern audiences. What are some of the ways he goes about this? Did his reasoning and approach make sense to you?

4. Connecting with her Jewish heritage does not come easily to Naomi. Have you ever struggled with any kind of faith? Do you believe this is a worthy endeavor? Why or why not?
 
5. Naomi writes the syllabus for Modern Intimacy, but when she and Ethan try to test her hypotheses, they run into challenges. What did you observe from the ways their relationship went off track from the seminar’s structure?
 
6. There are many different communities represented in this story: the inclusive sex education community built around Shameless, the Jewish community both at large and specifically at the two synagogues, the community of Naomi’s former high school, and more microcommunities such as Naomi and Ethan’s friends and family circles. How do these spaces facilitate differ- ent kinds of belonging and acceptance for the characters in the novel?
 
7. From the way they dress to their personalities, Ethan and Naomi are opposites. How do their different worldviews lead to each of their growth? And what do you think their best qualities are? Have you ever dated someone who was your op- posite?
 
8. Naomi and Ethan are both venturing into new professional ter- ritory with their Modern Intimacy seminars. When was the last time you had to go outside your comfort zone, and how did it help you grow professionally or personally?

9. Naomi’s main takeaway from her lecture on breaking up is to practice self-care. What are your favorite things to do to practice self-care? Are any of her suggestions something you’d like to try?
 
10. Throughout the book, Naomi teaches a seminar on modern intimacy for Ethan’s shul. Did her lectures make you realize anything new about your own ideas on modern intimacy? What do you wish more people knew about dating in today’s world?