Diary of a Mad Bride

Once I was a sane, levelheaded professional woman. Then I said “yes.” Now I am the lunatic bride I always made fun of!

What is it about getting married that turns normal people into total freaks?

A savvy, riotously funny novel, Diary of a Mad Bride is for anyone who has ever been a bride, is about to become a bride, yearned to be a bride, or suffered the sheer indignity of appearing in public in the world’s ugliest bridesmaid dress….

My wedding was starting in less than twenty minutes, and I was stuck in a 7-Eleven parking lot with popcorn kernels wedged in my gums and vanilla ice cream melting on my dress. It was a disaster too large to comprehend. After an agonizing year spent planning my wedding, could it really end like this? The voices chronicling a year of wedding hysteria swirled in my head….

— My grandmother upon viewing my engagement ring:

“What do you mean he gave you an emerald! Diamonds are eternal, emeralds say, maybe five years.”

— My future father-in-law on the night of my engagement party:

“To a happy marriage and, if necessary, a painless divorce!”

— My best friend, Anita:

“Oh, screw congratulations. Of course I’m happy for you. Stephen’s a major piece of ass and he’s got a sense of humor. Just as long as you’re certain this is what you want.”

Would I survive this day after all….?